Aku tidak memperoleh apa yang kuminta,
Tetapi memperoleh segala seusatu yang ku harapkan,

Meskipun permintaanku tidak dikabulkan,
Tetapi doa-doaku terjawab

Allah selalu memberi yang terbaik bagi kita.

Kita dapat meminta sesuatu yang salah kepada Allah,
Tetapi Allah selalu memberikan jawaban yang benar.

Terima kasih Tuhan untuk hari yang indah ini.
Amin

Hari terus berlalu. Banyak hal baru yang ku alami.
Semenjak aku bertemu kembali dengan oq, aku menyadari banyak hal.
Hal hal kejujuran, perasaan tulus, berteman, terbuka dan masih banyak hal lainnya.
Ku baru sadar, semenjak aku berkenalan dengan via, aku lebih tertutup, dan pola pikir ku banyak terpengaruh dengan dia.
Dia ingin terlihat perfect di depan semua orang, dan dia menutupi banyak kebenaran yg ada di dalam dirinya.
Aku tak ingin terpengaruh oleh kebohongan2 yang dia suka buat. Aku adalah aku, yang penuh dengan kekurangan.
Aku tak perlu untuk menjadi seorang yang perfect. Aku cukup dengan apa ada nya yg sekarang ini.

Bukan, bukan berarti aku menjauh darimu. Tapi ku rasakan, bahwa engkau tidak pernah menghargai suatu kejujuran dan pemberian.
Sudah lah ... aku pun tak ingin mengambil jauh langkah dari yang sekarang ini.
Apa yang ada, ku jalani sekarang.

Hari hari ini rasanya, semakin banyak hal yang berubah dalam hidupku. Tanpa ku tahu, apa yang terjadi sebenarnya.
Ku hanya merasakan, hari yang dahulu kosong tak berarti, kini ku lebih menghargai jam-jamku.
Mungkin, dulu aku masih terpaut dengan masa lalu, dengan kenangan yang pernah hadir di bawah alam sadarku.

Seperti hari ini, aku hanya menunggu kedatangan seorang temanku, Tapi ... rasanya menunggu bukanlah waktu yang sebentar.
Tak peduli siapakah orang itu, dan apa hubungannya dengan diriku, hanya ku semakin menyadari, bahwa aku membutuhkan teman.
Dahulu, saat ku lebih suka menyendiri rasanya perasaan itu kini telah berganti.
Sesuatu yang di lakukan bersama-sama sesungguhnya lebih berarti.
Bukan, bukan berarti aku ingin merubah kepribadianku.

Mungkin karena diriku yang semakin tua dan ...
Argh ... , rasanya tubuh ini memang semakin tua
bisa kurasakan lelah yang mudah menyerang pikiranku
Tapi, ku tak ingin rasanya menjadi tua
ku ingin seperti dahulu, saat ku masih menggunakan seragam abu-abu
saat ku bisa tertawa lepas, saat ku masih kuat tuk berlari 8 keliling GOR.

tanganku juga rasanya, semakin banyak kerutannya.

hemm... tak akan ada akhirnya jika kita terus flashback ke belakang.
terlalu banyak memori yang terjadi dalam perjalanan hidupku,
dan aku mensyukurinya ....
Kini ku hanya ingin meneruskan perjalananku, dan membuatnya lebih baik lagi ...

terimakasih Tuhan,
Amin

Matahari pagi telah terbangun di ufuk timur
dan ku masih berkutat dengan computer baruku
Sepi rasanya pagi ini.

Udara pagi berhembus memasuki kamarku
Lantunan musik bragi menemani pagi ini
beribu pertanyaan menyerang kesadaranku

Apa yang ku pikirkan?
terlalu banyak hal-hal yang datang dan berlalu
Hari kemaren berbeda dengan hari ini

Kesetiap hari ku kini mencoba untuk berjuang,
melatih ketrampilanku
entah apa yang akan kudapati di akhir

aku tetap mencoba
tetap ...
akan ku coba ....

malam

Terkadang, aku salut dengan orang-orang yang dapat mengekspresikan dirinya dengan bebas.
Aku tahu, kalau diriku terkadang terlalu terpaku dengan batas2.
Aku sungguh tak dapat berekspresi secara bebas. Apakah ini semua karena masa laluku?
Yah, mungkin saat aku kecil, aku di gembleng keras, banyak peraturan yang harus ku turuti,
mungkin trauma masa kecilku menurun hingga ke sifat aku dalam berekspresi.

Terkadang, aku salut dengan orang2 yang dapat break the rule, dan menciptakan suatu kreasi yang baru.
Entah, aku tak bisa sperti itu.
yah, aku bukan seorang yang pintar ... aku hanya seorang yang bodoh yang berusaha menjadi pintar
sudahlah .. pusing ... ... ....

Today, let's talking about Hen.
I just found out that he is not a honest guy. He has a lot of secret on his life. He is really unpredictable mind.
Lately,I found out a lot of thing. Last time, he ever said that Yuliana tk, is his ex girlfriend who is not.
He just make upt that story because He is afraid hurt my feeling.
He keeps the secret about me to Amy, and He also keep the secret about nathan to me and amy.
He lie a lot of thing even with his mother.
Thanks God, i found out all this thing before everything goes further.

and about via,
I have a different story every single day.
I don't want to judge her, she is my best friend here.
What ever she did, I got hurt so many time because of her.
She also have a lot of thing to keep away from people. Her life is too much fake.
yeah, fake ...
why you never act naturally? Probably because when you was a little, you did everything on your own.
and now, you always pretend that you are always right.

too much story about your fake. I'm tired ... too much fake.
but you still my best friend here.

Dear God,
Everyday, I learn something new. and today, I've learned why You send me here.
I met a great sister. She teach me a lot. She has a pure heart. She might be a person who can't make up her mind,
but I really admire her.

about my life, I really want to stay in here, get a job and life together with them, but who knows,
only God knows. I can't force God to do what I want to do, I know You work on misterious way,
and I will not complain it. I will follow all of your way.

But, before I forget, I want to thanks to You for a wonderful experience that I had in my life.
I love my journey, and I never regret on everything that had happen to me.
Everything has a meaning ....

thank God ... Thank you ...

Amin

Yesterday, i just found out something about via.
I spend the night at her place, i though she will like it but I was wrong.
She is totally distracted by me. I didn't know what she was actually saying to her sister,
but I saw her writting, even she tried to cross it out but I still can read it.
She was writting " Nginep, ganggu". I always know if she doesn't like something that I did to her,
but I always pretend that we all are a human being, sometime we don't feel comfortable with what other's do.

I don't know what should I do know. Her sister is in here now, She doesn't need me anymore.
She can survive without me ...
I think, i have to step back from all her life ...
I have to try everything by myself, only me, and if one day I failed, I won't regret,
because I do everything on my own.

...
I don't believe in friendship.

Right or wrong can be exsist when there are at least 3 person gathering

Thanks God, I've learned a lot today.
Today, I hang out with via's family the whole day and i had a great lesson.
I know I might be jealous with her family especially with her dad,
but ... I've learned that You are exist and you have been showing me that I am nothing without You.

I this world, we have to learn everyday, not because we are stupid or smart
but because we have not enough by only watching and learning ourself,
we have to see outside of the world, watch and learn the good thing,
don't try to push yourself to hard, it might hurt you someday,

try as much as you can, if you still can reach on that way,
than it might is not your way, realise quickly and wake up as fast as you can
because God always be with you ....

Yes, I believe in You
no matter what or how life i have been trough
but I know somehow, God is watching me
and He never put us down.

Amin

in this world there are a lot of different type of human being,
somepeople don't even care about what is the pride of being right
somepeople feel they are really great, "fight with me, if you dare"
somepeople think is it proud by hidding behind the stronger people and taking advantage of him
somepoeple afraid of being loose
and somepoeple too slumpy ...

too much type of people ...

Sometimes we don't even know where are we going
Chasing the shadow, follow the wind
Finding the destiny trough the sadness and sorrow
and we are not the same anymore

although, ...
We breath the same air
We see the same sun
we live in the same earth
But we are different

...

I'm different.

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry cause you're so right,
Don't dry with fakes or fears
cause you'll hate yourself in the end ...

Today, i had a bad dream.
It's about via. on my dream, she looks like a depress person and searching for help to reduce her stress.
And one day, she find the person who can make her fell better. And without realise on the out side of world,
she fall into this Theraphy. I was worry about her, because their never tell us what they are gonna do with her.
I try to find out either this theraphy is good or just want to take some advantage from her.
She seems doesn't care about my worry, and when she finds out that I am involved on the investigation,
she doesn't even care on everything. She even try to hurt me.
But I am a taugh girl, i still keep trying , untill one day i look very tired and the theraphy person want to send me home,
but I said "I'm alright, don't worry about me" and they kind of pity for me, finally they don't keep a secret about their therapy,
They speaks up to me about everything,
after i found out everything is alright for her, and i go home ...

This dream make me fell really tired today.
The whole of my body is pain. don't know why ...
I don't even know what is the meaning of this dream.

...

Hari ini, Aku barbeque on top roof livia's apartment. Her family all comes here.
I am so jealous with her. I've never had a such wonderful day together.
Her father's is so kind and her mother is really care about everthing.
I am speechless. I'm jealous =(

Hari ini, I've learned a lot of thing.
Via's family is coming here, gathering together with all of her family.
sometimes, i'm wondering why I've never had that such a warm family? :(
and today, i heard the tape from via's sister ex bf. He looks really religious, everything he starts with prayer and end up with prayer.
Never blame God on everthing that has happened to him, not like me which always blame to God when everything went wrong. :(
God,I've learned a lot ....
thanks God for everything :)


Good Night, God :)